I've been thinking for a while now that its time to up grade my blog a bit... and the other day I found a site that has a bit of a better set up as far as uploading pictures...so as of today I have officially moved to http://natschmale.wordpress.com/

11/05/09
Here is a little experiment I tried... it needs some kind of background music and it didn't turn out nearly as well as I would have liked it to. But most experiments turn into a flop the first time you try them. I have a few 'better' ideas I'm looking to try in the future.

10/05/09
I have a number of days off in this up coming week, and plan to use those days to complete a photo project. Which I'm hoping to have completed a rough draft of it by Friday. Which I shall post when I have finished it

09/05/09
Spend the day at home, painting and baking with my sister. And started playing around with my wide angle yet again.

08/05/09
I promise my car was not moving when I took this picture.

07/05/09
It seems spring has been slow coming this year, so I was pretty excited to see these little pussy willows while on a walk with a friend.

06/05/09
Every day when I come home for the past few weeks I have been checking this little avocado seed hoping that one day I will see a small creak open and something green poking through the shell, but so far nothing has happened. I have learnt that I'm not a very patience gardener.

03/05/09
I think I have a small fetish for my wide angle lens.

02/05/09
Spent the day in Banff with a friend... doing pretty much nothing, and enjoyed every minute of it.

01/05/09
Shot this for a friend to go along with a sermon series... any guesses on what the sermon may be about?

30/04/09
A friend and I discovered this poor tree while on a walk, someones irrigation system came on during the night while it was below freezing and covered the tree in thick icicles. While it looked cool, the heavy ice looked as though it was slowly killing the poor tree.

28/04/09
One of the things I love the most about going home is when one of my sisters sits down at the piano to play an old hymn... its even better when someone decides to sing.

27/04/09
It doesn't matter where I go in this world, this little stretch of gravel will always be my favorite.

26/04/09
People often ask me what my favorite thing to shoot is, and I often ramble off a bunch of things but I'm starting to wonder if perhaps sports is slowly making its way to the top of things I like to shoot. (providing that sport isn't hockey) Despite my lack of interest in most sports there is something exciting about trying to capture a great play. (if only sports facilities had the money to use better lighting)

Todays picture

25/04/09
I got a taste today of what its like to be a storm chaser today. For the past few days we have been blessed with the return of winter. On my way home from work I notice another set of dark heavy snow clouds moving towards town. So I ran home grabbed my gear and head out of town towards the storm. I reached one point the snow was coming down like crazy but the setting sun was still shining through. It didn't last long. But none of my pictures really worked the way I wanted to so I hopped back in my car and followed the storm it took me several tries before I got anything I half liked. But the exhilaration of trying to get ahead of a storm...was well worth it.

24/04/09
I missed a picture today. I feel a little bit guilty but that guilty feeling also makes me happy because it means my laziness bothers me. But the point of this wasn't to snap a picture every day the point is so learn and grow.

And I have been, I've been challenged to always be thinking about a photo opportunity, I notice when I miss a great opportunity and it bothers me. And I've been learning about my weaknesses, and trying new things.

I have been taking pictures on a daily bases I just haven't had the time to edit it them or up load them. I seem to have been over committing myself lately, and those commitments have left no time for other things.

23/04/09
You can often tell what is going on in my life by the kinds of books that are laying on the floor by my bed and often I will have more then 3 books on the go. Lately I've been feeling like I've been I've been doing the same thing in my life, I have too much on the go and can barely get through one chapter before I'm forced to move on to something else. Never really accomplishing or completing anything well.



22/04/09
I always seem to get ideas minutes before I have to head out the door to work. This is just one such example... of something I wish I had allowed more time to finish it well. And I am now taking donations for the Natasha Needs a Studio fund.

21/04/09
I never really liked to use flash but I'm slowly discovering how to use it and just how much more more of a creative aspect it can add to even the simplest ideas. Definitely something I plan to develop.

I couldn't decided which of these I liked better.

20/04/09
I friend and I have found a new hobby... flying kites. Preferably by moon light, unfortunity the clouds hide the moon last night, but we did have a good strong breeze.

19/04/09

18/04/09
Its days like this that I want a studio of mine own. One with a large window would be perfect.

17/04/09
I went to visit my grandma today, while I sat around a table talking to several ladies that live in the same seniors home as my grandma, I partly hoped I never reached their age, yet at the same time when I look at my grandma, I can see a kind of beauty that only time can create or perhaps its the kind of beauty that you can only see when you know someone well enough to see the beauty that nobody else can see.

16/04/09
I've been thinking alot about waiting on God's timing and what it means to be in a holding pattern, and how you know when it is time to stop waiting and take the next step.

Looking at this picture now I have a number of ideas that would make it way better, but its a bit of a word picture for alot of things I've been thinking about lately.
(and a note to any aspiring photographers out there, carry a step stool in your car, you never now when you might need to be just a few feet taller)

15/04/09
This evening after a few unexciting photo shoots I started playing with my ISO and the low light levels in my living room, the lighting does a good job of expressing my current mood.

I have recently found that I have become lazy and that laziness has also spawned a lack of creativity. So in an effort to encourage creativity and to challenge myself. I have decided that I have to come up with a photo every day. My hope is that this will drive me to look for photos even where I don't think there is one and to stretch any creative skills I still have left.

April 13/09

April 14/09

The other day a friend and I were looking for a crazy carpet so we could go sledding, after finding nearly every store to be sold out we found one. With that and a couple of garbage bags we hit biggest hill in town. But after less then 5 rides down the hill our crazy carpet was nearly in shreds. Which sparked a conversation on how they simply don't make things like they used to when we were kids. We then proceeded to slide down the hill on garage bags, which works rather well once you figure out how to position your body correctly. I had to smile at all the kids around us on their fancy sleds us while us "grown ups" simply enjoyed learning how to sled with a garbage bag.

Last night we got a fresh snow fall and so another friend and I pulled a of old couple of crazy carpets out of her car this morning and left the world of adult responsibilities, work and life's problems behind while we spend a good hour and a half, racing down the hill. Again I had to smile, 9:30am on a Thursday when the kids are in school we got to take over the hill.

In a book I was reading recently the author made a comment about how he wondered if God created the night to be dark as a way to quiet the noise and color of the day and force us to stop and think. I can't help but wonder if that is why we have the beginning and ends of days and years. Time is broken into chew-able increments to allow us the opportunity to sent new goals with the start of each new day/year and to stop and reflect on how we have failed or how God has helped us succeed at the end of the day/year.

A few months ago when I realized that 2008 was on its last legs, and another year full of all kinds of struggles and adventures was approaching, I started thinking about what I wanted out of 2009.

The first thing that came to my mind was my hopes to do some traveling this year, and while there are a few opportunities that may work out, I realized I need to learn to be a 100 per cent content with what God has me doing right now. Its time I stopped looking at what I don't have and learned to find peace in what God has given me.

Recently I have also been struck with how fast time goes and I have also realized how poor I am at time management. I realized "my time" really isn't mine; God has allotted me a small amount of time and I have not always been using it wisely. Before I know it my time will be up will I have used it to glorify God?

In the past 5 years I have made several half hearted attempts to learn a second language each time failing because I didn't have the desire to pull through when it was not longer fun. But I know somewhere down the road I am going to regret that.

I have set three goals for myself, I know I will not always succeed, but between now and the end of 2009 I have 357 more opportunities to try, learn from my mistakes and discover God's grace.

I'm thankful we are not given the chance to pick who our family members, because back then I would have probably asked for a exchange or a refund; that screaming bundle of a baby was not what I had in mind for a new sister. But I would have missed so much. Your crazy ideas, your talent for making up new words, your desire to serve God, your love for others, your determination, and all the childhood memories that make me smile. You have taught me so much over the years.

I can't wait to see where God takes you to see how he uses you, to see what adventures lay ahead. But at the same time I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness, though it is only the kind of sadness that ones feels when they realize that life has changed, the kind of sadness that is often mixed with excitement for what is to come. Our adventures in the woods are over, our dress-up close are too small and we have out grown our childhood games (well most of them anyway) and all that is left is a pile of memories but there are other adventures that lay ahead and I can't wait to see what they are.

I am so proud of your hard work and your determination, and am looking forward to seeing what God has planed for you.

I love you.

P.S. You better start calling me more often starting September, or I'll turn into the butcher's wife on Fiddler on the Roof and haunt you in your sleep.

Today while at work, I had a bit of time to kill before I had to be at my next assignment so I checked out some of the photos that had been filed that day. Most of them were Canadian Press photos filed from all over from all kinds of events, boxing, beauty queens, basketball, hockey, world events. But I couldn't help but notice the number of photos submitted that were taken during pro/anti coalition rallies across the country. I don't think I can name a time that I remember Canadians being this vocal about anything. It was exciting to see! For once we are not just shrugging it off and simply shaking our heads are our crazy politicians. We are standing up and saying "No" or in some cases "Yes."

Well done Mr. Dion, and Mr. Layton.

In the years since I graduated from high school I lost something... my imagination. When I look back at the stories I wrote in high school they where creative, and imaginative. And now when I am in the mood to write its about politics or life or something boring. I can't seem to create stories like I used. For some reason when I try to put all common sense aside and just write something that came straight out of my head... I come up with nothing but blank pages.

Perhaps its just a natural transition from child to adult, but I feel as though I have lost a dear friend, that some how through the passing of time and the business of life got left behind. Something that I loved is gone and I want it back.

Maybe I'm not a "true Canadian"...maybe I've spent one too many Sunday afternoons in cold dimly light arena's, with my ISO up as I has high as I dare, and my f/stop as low as I can go, hoping to capture "the moment" hoping to take that hockey shot that stands out only to come back with grainy dark images of men/boys wearing cages over their faces chasing pucks. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have on occasion shot up to four hockey games in one weekend. Maybe its the kind of hockey I shoot. Maybe its that I don't understand the concept of sitting inside a cold arena to watch a team skate on ice, don't we Canadians put up with enough cold and ice? But whatever it is I've come to the conclusion that hockey is not the greatest sport in the world as many of my fellow countrymen clam.

Just what makes hockey any better then football, or basketball, or any other fast action sport?

As I watch my friends and childhood acquaintances get married, have kids, and enter into a serious relationships, I can't help but feel a little behind. No I'm not jealous but sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me, that I'm missing out or that life is just slipping past me.

There is a part of me that is tired of doing things alone, part of me wants someone to share life with. A small part of me that wants to settle down, thats looking forward to having kids, to having my own house, and a garden. Part of me that thinks that settling down and raising a handful of kids could be just as exciting and challenging as my career could be.

Yet there is another part of me that can't let go of my dream, when I look through photo libraries from around the world, I can't wait to go there myself with my camera in my hand, to meet these people, to experience what life is like for them, and to share their stories with others.

Lately I've wondered if and when I will have to choose between these two dreams, if I will have to decide which one is more important, or if there is a path that allows for a bit of both. Which do I want? Which does God want me to take?

A few weeks ago I picked up Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion an Purity again, one of the first chapters in the book is titled, "Me, Lord? Single?" and lately I've been asking myself that same question, asking just how willing I am to follow, if that turns out to be what He wants.

I can't expect to have it all can I? Somewhere along the way I'm going to have to make a decision and I'm going to have to let go of something.

Over the past month I've been watching my grandma get ready to move from her condo into a tiny room in a seniors home. She has had to give away and throw out things that held meaning to her not to mention give up her love of cooking and her much of her independence.

Today as I helped her try and find room for some of the things she couldn't let go of, I realized that this is what it all boils down to. Almost everything that we work for has to fit into a 10'x10' room.

All of these things that I want, that I think I need are irrelevant, one day I'm either going to have to let go of it all or it will be striped from me.

My grandma is blessed, (no not because she has me for a granddaughter) but because she has a family that has been there for her. She may have lost her house and and some of the things that she loves but she still has her family.

I hope that between now and when I'm 80 I can learn let go of the things that don't mean anything and hold on to what does and look forward to the day when I get to leave it all behind. (hopefully it doesn't take me 80 years to learn how )

Lately there have been several reoccurring questions I have come to dislike. And I have yet to find simple answers to any of them.
Where do you work?
When ever people ask this I have this unexplained urge to so “no where.” Mostly its because my life so to confusing right now, it’s a pain to have to try and explain it to people. The long answer takes up time most people don’t care to give.
Where did you go to school? What did you take?
Its not these two questions I dislike so much as the one that follows. This question usually asks why I’m not in Iraq or working for the National Post already, or still standing behind a desk at Home Depot. I’m here because this is where God has placed me, I’m here because you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. I’m here because amazing careers don’t happen overnight or the day after you finish college. (in most cases anyway)
What do you do?
I’m never really sure what to tell people when they ask what I do. When I say I’m a photographer for such and such newspaper, I often get reactions that are a little over the top.
Perhaps it’s also the fear that, that person will open the paper the next morning and hunt for my pictures and be disappointed in what they see. That and I for the most part when most people tell me that I certain picture is really good, I usually take them for liars unless it is a picture I actually do love. I would rather people not know that I took it then have then feel like they need to complement me.

But then maybe my dislike for these questions is a direct reflection of my own pride, and my lack of self confidence.

I have recently decided to not move back to Calgary. The decision was proceeded by an attitude adjustment, (thanks Dad for that) and the realization that while my current life situation was not what I had planned it didn't mean that I could not be content with where I was. Its amazing how a change in attitude can put everything in a different light.

I didn't get it. Back in March I applied for 5 months internship with Samaritans Purse, to go and build Bio-sand water fillers. I was excited to have the opportunity to serve, to help, and to experiance life as 2/3 of the world lives it.

As much as I fail to see, how such an opportunity would not be a good thing, God had other plans. And once again I'm I'm left wondering when I'll see the pieces of this puzzle fall into place.

After having yet another door close, I find it hard to keep on going. Yes I do have a plan B. Yes I am learning to trust God. But for once I just want something to work out! Especially this.

I haven't posted pictures in a while here so I thought I would throw up some of the pictures from a hike I took up castle mountain with a few of my friends for my 21st birthday.

A year after I moved away from home, I looked back at all that I had learned in one year and was sure that one possibly couldn't fit more life lessons into a shorter time frame. But I was wrong.

Since finishing school a little over a month ago, I've been bombarded.

As a graduate student with a diploma in Journalism the last place I expected to be or wanted to be was to continue my career as a Home Depot employee, a lesson in humility, trust, and excepting where God has placed me. (all of which I continue to wrestle with on a daily bases)

As a 21 year old living with my grandma, learning to re-adjust to having someone around who wants to cook my food and make sure I'm dressed warm enough. And too look past my own needs and wants and see someone else is again a struggle.

As a adult who is trying to find her place in the world learning to again trust God with an unknown future, learning to take everything to God in prayer. Faced with questions of what I believe and why and whether I'm willing to live what I believe.

As much as I am unhappy about where I currently am, this is where I need to be right now.

It is only by living completely in this world that one learns to live by faith. One must completely abandon any attempts to make anything of oneself, whether it by saint or converted sinner, or churchman, righteous man or unrighteous man, sick man or healthy one. By this worldliness. I mean living unreservedly in life duties, problems, success, and failures, experiences and perplexities. In so doing we completely throw ourselves into the arms of God. Taking seriously not our own suffering but those of God in the world watching with Christ in Gethsemane. That I think is faith. That is how one becomes a man and a Christian.
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Yesterday while eating Licorice for supper and mentally trying to justify it the clique “you only live once” crossed my mind. But then I stopped myself does the fact that I only live once, really justify anything, or even give a soild excuse for my poor eating habits or anything else for that matter. Really should not the fact that we only live once give us reason to step everything up a notche, not only (in my case) eat healthier but to also do our best, work hard, and take on challenges.

After having received a heart surgery, and having been releases from the hospital the patients wife asked the doctor, how good her husbands quality of life will be.

“I fixed his heart the quality of his life is up to him.”

10 pm…Friday night…long week…long day…long drive. I grab my bags from the trunk of my car and head for the mostly dark house. Kick off my shoes and trudge up the stairs. Dropping my bags in my sisters room and flopped on the couch. Tired, and empty, but at the same time happy and content. I’m home.

Every time I go home it gets harder and harder to leave. There is so much I’m missing, so much life, so much laughter. I hate how real life has to pull me way, how I really have no choice but to pack my bags at the end of the weekend and drive away.

As much as I love the experiences, the challenges, the opportunities, and the future that lay before me. Sometimes it doesn’t add up to all what I have at home.

Often I wish I could unplug my computer, turn off my cell phone, forget there is a world that expects something from me… and stay home for just one more day.

Mistakes Made - Lessons Learned
So here I am sitting in Olds, will sitting isn't exactly the best word. I've hardly had time to catch my breath since I got here. I've done so much it feels like I've been here for a week or too.

I think the only thing I have yet to shoot in the last two days is someones kitchen sick. Kids a French Carnival, RCMP looking for finger prints on a vandalized car, a mechanic, Olds High School Basketball Session Final, Pet Oral Health, skateboarders, not to mention the rather dull assignments that I have to make exciting, like dangerous crosswalks in Carmona and such.

What have I learned...ask questions, NEVER just drive by anything even half interesting, don't be afraid to ask questions, never leave your flash card at the office, listen, keep your eyes open, become more then curious even at the risk of sounding like a nerd...do your research. Just about all those things they taught us in school hold true. Pity I'm such a hands on learner... I might have been able to skip the mistakes and just learn.

Tomorrow about this time I will be loading up my car and heading off on a new adventure, its called internship, I call it Real World 101.

I'm hoping by the time I come back to Calgary I will have my "after April life" in a nice little folder labeled "My Career." But at the sametime, in the back of my mind I'm laughing at that idea.

I will be doing my internship with Mountain View Publishing, as a Photographer for the Mountain View Gazette. I'm looking forward to all the learning curves that it will throw at me, to the chance to get my hands dirty, to be able to just focus on taking pictures.

But at the same time I'm scared spitless.

Insecurity... I hate not being comfortable in my own skin. Why can't I be comfortable with the fact that I just prefer to wear my runners and jeans when all the other girls are wearing high heels. Or that I'm still single when all my friends are in serious relationships. That I'm fine with walking out the door with out bothering to look in the mirror. That I often prefer to have a conversation with someone who is 30+ then my own peers. That I know next to nothing about fashion, makeup, shoes, and actors. I love the simple things, often the childish things.

There is nothing wrong with any of this, this is who I am. So why do I feel insecure about who I am, and what I love?

I have been spending some more down in the studio, basically if you want to hang out with my you are going to have to put up with me putting a camera in your face.

Call it having second thoughts, call it a reshuffling of priorities, call it changing my mind, call it getting cold feet or even running from the unknown.

I always had plans of running off to some exciting foreign country with only my camera on around my neck after I finished school. But the more I think about April and the months that follow the more I realize, its not traveling the world that is important to me, its not getting that amazing photograph, or meeting all kinds of people from around the world, though I still want to do all those things. Its my family that means the most.

And right now is not the time to leave them all behind.

I want my little brother to know who I am, I want to be able to stop by and give my grandma a hug on a regular basis. I want to be able to do fun things with my sisters. As much as some days I want to through all my belongings in a bag and head for the airport, there are still things here that are more important, too me.

My life probably won't be all that exciting, and the adventures I come across won't be so romantic, but at the end of the day, I don't want to have all those experiences and no one to share them with.

Yes I still plan on traveling the world, and yes I still want to have some romantic adventures, but I think there are some adventures here at home I want to experience, a little closer to the people that mean something to me.

The more I work in the studio the more I, long for the day when I can have my own studio, a room with a huge picture window, for that amazing nature light, and empty walls I can paint, cover and a closet full of props. In the mean time if any of you want some pictures. I will love to shot some of you!

Here are the leasts ones...

These days my head is spinning, with all kinds of things. School started out with an outrageous pace, that shows no sign of a let up till April. I'm excited about the opportunities I'm going to have this semester, but I also know that my friends will hardly see me and there are times when the bags under my eyes will be dragging on the floor.

School has almost eaten up all of my head space, but there are other times when random thoughts will creep into my head. Thoughts like..."Yikes its almost April, what am I going to do then...relax girl... be still my soul, thy God doth undertake, to guild the future as He has the past, They hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake... my internship should be good, get a taste of the industry... man I hope my car doesn't break down. RELAX. Your life is so shallow right now, and your stressing out about the smallest stuff. What happens if you die tomorrow will you have done anything worth while at all...well not anything I'll be greatly remembered for... what defines worthwhileness anyway? I wonder how people can face death with peace knowing that its the end... I wonder if they have any regrets...knowing that they will be facing their creator, the ultimate judge..."

I'll be the first to admit that I am a scrooge when it comes to Christmas.
I think Christmas ornaments are tacky, Christmas trees impractical, and the needles get stuck in your socks, Christmas songs are, for the most part annoying, gift giving has become selfish and commercialized, and well the older I get the more I'm sure I could do without Christmas.
Yet as much as I would do away with Christmas, there are somethings I would like hang on to. Like the sprinkle in my youngest sisters eye when she hands her sister a gift she thought of herself. Watching my parents laugh as their children act out the Christmas story. Marching down the road singing Christmas carols slightly off key with my 5 sisters. And of course my grandma's Christmas pudding.
I suppose I have to at least give Christmas credit for giving me the excess for singing Christmas Carols, off key, and eating Christmas pudding. Guess I just have to suck of the tacky ornaments and the needles in my socks.

The newest addtion to my family. Isaac .